i like to cross things off of lists.

i really do. i know, i know, it's an odd obsession, but i honestly find pleasure in writing a list of things i have to do and being able to cross each thing off, one by one.
this week has been SO busy and filled with tons to do every waking moment! it's a four day week because of Good Friday, spring break is NEXT WEEK, i have a field trip wednesday so i'm having to do all this work early PLUS i'm going to birmingham on wednesday after school so i'm missing school thursday. besides having to be a "diligent" student and turn work in on time, today was my dad's 50th birthday! craziness! 
after birthday celebration at Carrabba's, which btw was amazing, i had to work on my ap stat project with clayton. it took like 3 hours. 3 miserable hours. i thought it would never be over. while working on it, i was crossing things off on my planner or thinking of ALL the other things i needed to do. i had so many things i had yet to do before i left tomorrow. clayton was like "why do you worry so much?"

whoa, whoa, whoa, what did he just say to me? yeah, that's what i was thinking. i'm super organized, but by being organized i realize all of the things that i need to do and haven't yet done. i don't think i really answered the question, but ultimately God did make me the way i am. He did make me to be this super crazy organized woman that helps everyone remember what to do, when to be places, where to go, and when to even eat. but he did call me not to worry. 

C.S. Lewis puts it magnificently when he writes, "Anxiety is not only a pain which we must ask God to assuage--but also a weakness we must ask Him to pardon--for He's told us to take no care for the morrow."

This week is the week of Christ's death and resurrection, this is the time that we should remember the most about what He did for us, and here i am worrying about when i'm going to paint my toenails?!?! (which, btw, i'll do on the way to b'ham tomorrow because mom said she would drive some) BUT seriously, Christ did not call me to worry. He called me to trust.

best friends, hmm...

i like to say i have four best friends. even if i only say it to myself, i believe with all that is in me, that i have four best friends. at least currently. ha. i have learned a lot about these four best friends over this senior year of mine. we have cried together ONE too many times. we have laughed together just about every single day. we have been there in the valleys and on the mountaintops. we have survived almost all of this senior year together. even when we don't hang out one weekend or when one of us isn't there, we don't stop being best friends. through thick and thin, we're there for each other.

the past few weeks, the reality has hit me that in just a few short months, we'll be separated. we won't have classes together, we won't be able to go to lunch together, we won't play just dance on the weekends, we'll barely see each other. when i think about it for too long, i cry. i have four amazing friends that are about to embark on this crazy journey called college without me and i without them. i think it hurts the most because i'm staying home and they are all leaving. i'm staying home because i really feel like the Lord has called me to be here for "such a time as this..." yet, it hurts every little part of me to realize i'm not going to be with my four best friends any more.

i can barely imagine life without them. life without having to tell hannah what class she has next, life without chelsea's bright big smile every day, life without making kissy faces to sarah in brit. lit, life without realizing every day how much mary beth and i are alike. life without them. life without pieces of my heart.

i wonder why God works the way He does, why He puts people in our lives to only then take them away, why He does the things He does for us. i wonder why God allowed me to go through a year like my junior year, where i felt so alone and without friends to bring me to my senior year, where my once called enemies are now my best friends. they are my sisters, in a since. again, God works in mysterious ways. why would He allow me to rekindle old relationships, to make them better, and to then, in just a few short months take these friends of mine away?

i know God has me here for a reason. but, right now, i wish i could go somewhere with my four best friends.

awakening.

in our hearts Lord,
in this nation
awakening
Holy Spirit, we desire
awakening

for You and You alone
awake my soul
awake my soul and sing
for the world You love
Your will be done
let Your will be done in me

in Your presence, in Your power
awakening
for this moment, for this hour
awakening

like the rising sun that shines
from the darkness comes a light
i hear Your vice
and this is my awakening

like the rising sun that shines
awake my soul
awake my soul and sing
from the darkness comes a light
awake my soul
awake my soul and sing
like the rising sun that shines
awake my soul
awake my soul and sing
only You can raise a life
awake my soul
awake my soul and sing

in our hearts Lord, in the nations
awakening

-"Awakening" by Chris Tomlin

i really like this song. the Lord used this to speak to me about SO many different areas of my life. plus, it goes hand in hand with my blog title, so i just had to put it up here!

"being" with God...

James 1:22 says, "Do not merely listen to the Word and so deceive yourselves; do what it says."

Lots of times, as believers, I think we get caught up in the "doing" for God. I know I do. My youth pastor spoke about this last week and I've never really thought about it before.  I mean, we are supposed to go and share the Gospel and go and feed the poor, etc. But when we get caught up in "doing" all of these things, things that are great and are for the Lord, and forget to actually "be" with the Lord, what good is that? First and foremost, before doing any type of service for the Lord, we were created for HIS glory and HIS glory alone.  He wants to spend time with us! He LOVES us so much. Yet, when we go and "do" all those things for Him and forget to "be" with Him, we have defeated the whole purpose of why we were created.

today, i took a walk around the neighborhood. every plant is about to bloom, flowers are about to burst, spring is in the air! it is so awesome to see. i felt like i really was "with" God. i decided to "be" with Him and it was so awesome! after i can "be" with Him, then i can "do" things for Him and know that my "labor is not in vain"...(1 Cor. 15:58)

happiness.

this past week at school, i was in a happy/good mood all week. if anything "bad" happened, i moved on and was just happy. i thought about it a lot, because i did have a lot of things to be happy about, but usually that would last a day or so. i'm happy about spring break--going to B'ham & the beach, about prom, about New Orleans, graduation, CAMP CEDAR CLIFF, the middle school mission trip where I'm going to be a leader, and MEXICO!!! and, i'm happy about life.

that's the key. "Be joyful in all circumstances..."

i have loved just about every second of this week, and it hasn't even been that spectacular. but, like in Deuteronomy, where it talks about choosing life or death, the Lord says to choose life. when you choose life, ultimately, i think, you choose happiness. i chose to be happy this week. i'm going to keep choosing that every day. the Lord has blessed me with SO much; i can at least be joyful and be DIFFERENT and show others the true joy that I have because of Christ.