crazy changes.

currently, i'm looking online at websites that sell wall art.
earlier tonight, i went to lowe's to buy paint and get a key made.
tomorrow, i'm going all around augusta to look for some furniture.

before you can ask why, i'll tell you.
i'm moving.

only three miles down the road, but i'm still moving.
it's so weird to me.
to imagine not living in the only house i ever remember living in.
to not seeing my parents pretty much every day.
to being responsible for a whole house plus some expenses.

i won't officially move in until after camp this summer.
but, i'm currently renovating/updating the house with my parents.
i'm super excited, but it's just so WEIRD.

a few other updates:

i went to a simulcast of Secret Church on Good Friday.
WOW. that's all i can say.
another post to come later on that.

i got to see some best friends this weekend!
always love that.

i have 2 days of classes left and 2 days of finals left of freshman year.
i'm so ready to be done!

looking forward to what God has in store for me, even if it involves some crazy weird changes in my life.

trust.

the past two weeks or so, i've been learning a thing or two about trust. i think that trust has a lot to do with control. i'm a leader at heart; i love to be in charge of events and things, so i've always dealt with having to trust people. it's been a hard issue for me all through life. in high school, i had to trust that people would come through with things that they committed to. i had to trust that things would get finished when they were supposed to because of positions that i held. (looking back, i made such an unnecessary big deal about things!). but, i still have had to learn to trust people.

recently, there was a person in my life who had my complete trust. then tons and tons of drama happened, too much for me to ever want to get into ever again, and he lost all of the trust i had for him. there's been another friend in my life who has started to trust me again. i, not being perfect and being 100% human, hurt her a while back. the Lord taught BOTH of us a lot through that, and has been blessing me with her sweet and loyal friendship lately. so, trust has been a big thing in my life in the past few months.

a few nights ago, i was lying in bed thinking about all the things i need to finish before the semester was over. tests and papers and projects and the dreaded finals. i started to freak out. i began pouring my heart to the Lord about all these things plus some relationships in my life that just need some work. it was so cool because the Lord just said, "Ashton, stop worrying. I've got this. You don't know what your future holds. Trust in Me. I'm in control." 


it's so hard for me to just trust. but, i know that's what i'm called to do. i'm trusting in God about my relationships with my friends and family, with my grades, with housing situations for next year, with my major, with working at Camp Cedar Cliff this summer, with EVERYTHING. i encourage you to do the same!


on a side note, i encourage you to go check out one of my best friend's most recent posts here. very encouraging!

overflow of the heart.

I’ve always wanted to be apart of a big family. You know the ones with lots of brothers and sisters and tons of cousins and aunts and uncles. The ones with nieces and nephews when the time was right. The ones where a family meal is an event that takes lots of time to prepare for. The ones where everyone is going in every single different direction, where chaos always ensues, where a piece of dinnerware is bound to break every time the grandkids are over. The ones where love is found in the very core of the family.

I’ve always wanted one of those.

Every night when I was little, I prayed and prayed my heart out for a baby brother or a baby sister. I wanted one so bad. As I grew up, I would imagine what life would have been like if I had siblings, how different things would be, and whether or not I would have liked it.

Obviously, the Lord didn’t have that as a plan for me to grow up with multiple siblings. (I still always hope and pray that the guy I marry is like one of six kids. That would be so fun!). I grew up an only child and an only grandchild on my dad’s side. There are eight of us grandkids on my mom’s side, but our ages span over 25 years. We grew up in three different states, and we have never been super close. I’ve always wanted those cousins that you go on vacation with, the ones that you build sand castles with at the beach. I don’t think I’ve ever gone on vacation with one of my extended family members.

Today, I’ve been blessed by someone who is the closest thing to a big sister that I’ll ever have. She’s been in my life since I was around ten or so, almost ten years now. She’s seen me go through pimples and braces, short hair and long hair, the loss of weight and the gaining back of it, and every other thing that could be considered traumatic in a teenager’s life. She’s seen me cry one too many times and laugh until my sides hurt. She’s been there for me when I want to talk about a boy, and she’s given me encouragement when things don’t go the way I’ve planned. She’s really been like a big sister to me.

I got to be in her wedding. When she found out she was pregnant, she started calling me “Aunt Ashton”. At first, I thought she was just trying to be sweet. But last week, just hours after her youngest son had been born and she texted me asking me to come to the hospital, I knew she really meant it. And today as I was leaving her house, when the oldest looked at me and said, “Bye, Ash Ash,” and ran up and hugged me as tight as he could, I knew it was a blessing straight from the Lord.

I’m thankful that the Lord really does see the desires of our heart, even if He chooses to grant them to us in ways we never could’ve imagined.