beyond measure

It's no secret that I absolutely love camp. I adore every minute that I get to spend in those beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains. I have just fallen in love with that beautiful place. However, as beautiful as camp is, that is not the reason why I love camp so much. I love camp so much because of the extraordinary way God works there through the ordinary people He has in place there.

I've honestly been looking forward to being at camp for the past two or so weeks. Even though I've seen and talked to some of my favorite people from camp, I just wanted to be there with them. Even if it meant working one looooooooooong retreat. I drove to Greenville on Friday and met up with my friend Emma Kate. We then headed to camp, where it was freezing, and I got to see lots of wonderful staff from this summer! And on Saturday morning, it just got so much better...

...I got to meet the newest member of the Duke family, sweet Levi Jude! I love the Dukes, and they are in their last couple months at camp. I'm going to miss them lots as they head off to Maggie Valley, so I'm extra grateful for this time I got to spend with them!

How SWEET is this picture of big brother Elliott with Levi?!

Of course, no visit is complete without time making this girl smile and laugh. 

Favorite quotes of the weekend from Anna: "Mom, can Ashton and Emma Kate come pick me up for dinner?" and after dinner, she's chewing something, so when I ask her what she's eating, she says, "I found a little piece of chicken stuck in my mouth so I had to finish it!"

Gosh, I just LOVE her. 

Like I said, camp is an absolutely beautiful place. I've been there in the spring, summer, and winter, but this was my first fall experience at camp. Lots of the leaves had fallen, but there were still a few trees that were just screaming for their picture to be taken. Gorgeous!

It was Abby's birthday on Sunday, so we all got the chance to sing to her, eat some brownies with her, and celebrate sweet Abby! She was my supervisor and mentor this summer, and this woman is full of wisdom and grace! I so enjoyed getting to be with her. 

And to top off my wonderful weekend, I got to have dinner with this girl on my way home on Sunday (photo taken this summer). One of the staffers that was at camp this weekend had been in Clemson earlier last week and got to see Mary Leslie, so I decided to text her and see if we could meet up. It worked out well, and it was just such an encouragement to be with her. 

This past weekend, I felt so blessed. I kept thinking that if I'd stayed at camp two summers ago and hadn't broken my ankle, that I wouldn't have met some of the people who made this summer so special and who still bless me every single day. God has really blessed me beyond measure, and I'm so incredibly grateful for this season of my life. 

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Ephesians 3:20-21

sovereignty.

After EIGHT crazy weeks of Senior Staff Training, Staff Training, and Camp, the summer at Camp Cedar Cliff has officially ended. At the beginning of the summer, the staff wrote these "Letters to God" where we just basically poured our hearts out to the Lord for the summer. We prayed for the summer and asked God to do certain things in our lives, in the lives of campers, and in the lives of other staff throughout the summer. One thing that I asked was that God would do something totally unexpected. And He did.

During my sophomore year of college, I walked through some pretty hard stuff, mainly having to do with some really long friendships ending. I won't go into too much detail here, but basically I'm no longer friends with some people whom I'd been friends with for over a decade. Many times during that process, I would ask God, "Why?". "Why are you letting me go through this stuff? This isn't good." And I never got an answer. Never once did the Lord say, "I'm letting you walk through this for this reason." Not until this summer.

This summer, I supervised and mentored fourteen 15-17 year olds. I specifically spent time with three of the girls, and I got to know them and their hearts pretty well. About halfway through the summer, two of them came to me with stories so similar to mine that I had to laugh. I thought, "This is crazy. There is no way they are dealing with some of the same things I dealt with." But they were. And I was able to walk with them through some really hard stuff, I was able to give them advice since I'd literally been in the same spot they were in just a couple of years earlier, and I was able to pray with them that God would be sovereign in this area.

It didn't really hit me until Saturday at just how sovereign God had been in that area of my life, really in all areas of my life. None of this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't broken my ankle in 2011. Knowing that God used that awful summer to affect, greatly, this summer pretty much blew me away. I never would've guessed that the lessons I learned then would be applicable to some high schoolers this summer. But that's how sovereign He is.



We sang this song a LOT this summer, and I absolutely love it. I'll let it speak for itself.

7 Weeks In...

I've been at camp for almost 7 weeks, and that kind of blows my mind. In some ways it feels like I've been here for a year, but in other ways it feels like I've been here for just a couple of days. I have grown so, so, so much, which is such a blessing. I've learned, yet again, how tough it can be to work with some people but how sweet it is once you work through your problems and get to know each other better. I've been challenged in many, many ways. Whether it was having to go on a hike during Senior Staff training week and being so freaked out because all I could think about was breaking my ankle again or having to go on a camp out with ten 15-16 year olds or driving 15-passenger vans full of teenagers or never, ever getting enough sleep, it's been challenging. But it's been so, so good. I've fallen in love with this place...so much so that I'm staying an extra week!!! There are some retreats the week after camp, and I'm staying to work them!

"Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the whole world, from everlasting to everlasting You are God." - Psalm 90:2

We have LOTS of bears on property. While this picture is bad (the screen in my window is what messed it up), it sort of shows how close they were to me. I looked out my office window on Saturday, and they were literally right outside the window! Crazy. 

While I spend the majority of my time in the office, about once a week, I head out and help run some of our high ropes courses. This has become one of my favorite things because I get to hang out with the campers for a couple of hours, and I also get to see them overcome something that can be a really challenging activity. This picture is from a couple of weeks ago, and I love it!

Camp divas celebrating the Fourth (a day late) at the Fontaines!

Lots of times we just pose for the camp photographer because that's how we roll. 

Hope you're having a fabulous Wednesday, friends! See ya in 2.5 weeks, AUG!

when at camp...

...you tend to forget you have a blog. Internet isn't always available, and when it is, the blog world isn't my first go to. That being said, I do want to update a couple of times this summer because I still reread my updates from Australia, and I'm glad I have those!

So, when at camp...

...you eat a lot of food that you don't normally eat and you may have to get meds from the camp nurse to be able to settle your stomach properly (TMI?! oh well)

...you sympathize and empathize with the fellow staff member who fell and broke her ankle. True story. (Please keep her in your prayers. She had to have surgery on Saturday night.)

...you get really excited about having the rest of staff here after only having 20 or so staff here for a week because the place just comes alive with more and more people.

...you get caught in the rain. A lot.

...you enjoy the thirty or so minutes every other day or so that you get to head off property because it's quiet and sometimes you need the quiet.

...you hate the thirty or so minutes you get to go off property because you always manage to miss something while you're gone.

...you camp out and eat hot dogs that were cooked on a stick that you found on the ground.

...you get one day to sleep in. And by sleeping in I mean sleeping until 8 am.

...you make yourself look like a fool in front of a ton of staff on a regular basis (sometimes planned, sometimes unplanned).

...you thank the Lord every single day that He blessed you with the privilege of being in such a special place for the summer and you cannot wait for the adventures He has planned!!

Camp Break an Ankle

About two years ago, I headed up to Asheville, NC for the day with Caroline to interview at Camp Cedar Cliff for a summer camp counselor position for the following summer. I was nervous and anxious, yet I was thrilled at the opportunity to spend six weeks in beautiful Asheville during the summer of 2011. Two of my good friends were headed to camp that same summer, and when I got the call that I was going to be a camp counselor, I was so thrilled that the three of us would all be experiencing camp that summer (even if it was at three different camps). Well, we all know how my camp experience of 2011 ended, and if you don't, you can read about it here (it's too much to relive in a post again).

I can honestly say that I was NOT ready for camp that summer. The Lord knew exactly what He was doing by allowing me to break my ankle, and I look back on that time with a grateful heart. I can almost 100% guarantee that if I hadn't broken my ankle, then I wouldn't have gone to Australia, I wouldn't have been on staff with the Student Ministry last year, and there are so many other things that wouldn't have happened. Again, the Lord was so sovereign by removing me from camp that summer. He allowed me to go through a pretty rough summer to be able to enjoy other things that I never would've imagined. That summer prepared me for Australia and so many other things. Like always, what I planned didn't happen, but the Lord is so good in having something greater in store for us.

During this past spring semester, I got a message from one of the full time staffers at camp. She offered me a position that I wanted SO badly, but I'd literally just sent my support letters out for Australia earlier that week. So, I turned her down with the intentions of getting in touch with her this fall for more information about the position for next summer. Around October of this year, I began thinking and praying some about summer 2013, so I contacted some CCC staff. A week later, I was filling out paperwork, and in late November, I found out that I was "unofficially officially wanted". I decided to keep it sort of on the DL until I got my official letter, and I got that on Thursday. So, I'm officially going back to "Camp Break an Ankle" (as Drew calls it) this coming summer!

I'm going to be on senior staff, and my position is called "Office Assistant". That's sort of self-explanatory, but I also have a mentoring aspect to my position. I'll be working with some of our younger staff, hanging out with them, planning events for their nights off, etc. I'm thrilled to be doing admin stuff--seriously one of my favorite things to do--and hang out with the younger staff and pour into them. The Lord is so good to allow me to serve at camp this way! I can't wait for summer 2013!!!

It doesn't hurt that this is going to be my view every single day :)

adios, dear summer.

i'm really sad that summer is over. even though my summer went completely OPPOSITE how i had planned (in more ways than one), i had such a good and memorable summer. i wouldn't say it was my favorite summer (last summer still holds that title), but it was an unforgettable summer. i definitely won't ever forget the summer that i broke my ankle!

classes start on monday, and i'm sort of in denial about that. i still haven't bought my books. partially due to the fact that i think i might pass out when i have to buy them (why are college books SO dadgum expensive?!?). but also due to the fact that i just don't want to go back to school. i'm not thrilled about classes, especially my one 8 a.m. class. i'm looking forward to my education classes, though, so hopefully that will get me through the semester :)

i've been doing a few "projects" around the house lately, and i'm getting into this whole "Do-It-Yourself" type projects that are cheap and fun to do!

this wasn't too complicated of a project (it just involved going to Hobby Lobby...twice).

i just love mason jars, and i got this idea from a blog somewhere. 

in my room at my parents' house, i had TONS of pictures up. 

like all over every single wall. seriously.

i didn't want to crowd all the walls at my house, but my office needed a few more pictures.

so, i bought a few cork boards at Target, and i pinned a few pictures on them. 

love. 

this is my most creative/time-consuming project yet. 

it's a plastic bag holder, and i made it (with a little help from my mom)!

it cost all of $6 for fabric, elastic, and ribbon for my mom and i to both make one. 

i love it, and every time someone comes over, i show it to them :) 

this kid is leaving for Statesboro next week, and both Chelsea and i are pretty sad. 

we're excited for Drew, but we're going to miss our dear friend!

we hung out last night, just the three of us, and i won't forget that night!

thankful for them both!

rooms + sweet/favorite neighbor + macs. 

if you come over to our house, be sure to bring your mac, and we'll have a little party :)

and yes, this is our kitchen floor. 

why, you ask? why not, i say. 

i'm going to the beach NEXT weekend with the family, and i'm thrilled. this body has worn a bathing suit literally FOUR times since the end of last semester. FOUR times. there is something SO wrong with that (it's mainly because of the fact that i broke my ankle and couldn't really relax at the pool or beach with a boot on my foot). so, hopefully i can double that number next weekend. love me some hilton head, and i'm so ready to get out of augusta for a few days! 

my BD is getting married in September in Kentucky, and i'm going to "stand up" at the wedding with my sort-of soon-to-be step-sisters. i have no easy way of explaining what Meghan and Em are to me, but soon they'll be BD's step-daughters. but, i'm excited about seeing the family, going to a new state, and spending 9.5 hours each way in the car with C-Dawg (hopefully). 

i spent some time today going through some Bible studies that i had participated in during my middle school years (i just CAN'T think about school starting!). but, it was a good thing, and it was crazy how some of the things we discussed back then are things that i'm dealing with and struggling with right now. but, i found a quote by my old Bible study leader/mentor, and i'll end with it. it really hit me today, and i love it. 

"Once we see things the way Jesus does, we begin to understand His heart. When we begin to understand His heart, then we will be as motivated as He was." - B. Allen 

Exit 148.

Exit 148 Crawfordville/Sparta on 1-20 in Georgia has always held a special place in my heart. Now, it holds an even more special place.

When I was growing up, Exit 148 was the place where my parents and grandparents would meet to pick me up and take me home or pick me up and take me to my grandparents' house for a visit. It's the halfway point between Augusta and Covington, and I have many a memory from that exit. There's a gas station right off the exit that is sort of sketch. Okay, it's really sketch. That's where we would always meet, and every time whether I was headed to Augusta or Covington, I'd always go to the bathroom at that gas station. We have lots of stories from that gas station. Now, whenever I go to Athens, since that's the exit you have to take to get to Athens, I pass that gas station and smile.

But, I won't be thinking about that gas station as much anymore. Last Saturday, we went to Atlanta for a high school rock climbing/Braves game day. It was quite fun! I was sort of worried about the day, because I couldn't climb rocks because of my ankle, but it turned out to be a really good day. I got to take pictures of everyone climbing, and I enjoyed that a lot. The Braves won (yay!), and it wasn't too hot, so it was an enjoyable time at Turner Field. On our way back, we stopped at Exit 148, drove a few miles down a country road, and got out to look at the stars and spend some legit quiet time with the Lord. The only thing you could see for miles were the stars, and the only thing you could hear were the crickets and bugs and a few cows mooing down the road.

The day had been quite interesting for me. I was still recovering from a cold, so I didn't feel completely up to par, and I was annoyed at having to blow my nose every five minutes (or so it seems). My ankle was bothering me a lot, and at the end of the day it had swelled up really bad. Plus, it was weird being considered a "leader" when I was on a trip with lots of my peers. The students were told to stay in groups of four everywhere that they went, so at one point, when I had to go to the bathroom, I was rallying up my group of four, and Grant looks at me and says, "You're a leader. You can go by yourself." I can?!?!

That's what got me. I've done stuff with middle school all summer, and I feel like a leader when I'm with them. I didn't really feel like a leader with the high schoolers. I was in a weird funk all day because I didn't know where I stood with these kids and ultimately where I stood with the Lord. So, when Grant told us to get out of the van and just spend some time talking to the Lord in the midst of the quiet, open area that we were in, I was grateful for that time. The Lord really affirmed and reaffirmed that He IS doing something big in my life, and that He has a plan for my life. Even though I don't know where I'll be next summer or five years from now, I know that He's got me. As long as I remain confident in Him and only Him, He will do that work in me. It was an excellent way to really "end" such an amazing, unplanned summer that the Lord used to teach me so many, many things.

NO MORE BOOT!

I went to the doctor today, and he told me that my ankle is healing properly, and I can take the boot off! HALLELUJAH, and thank You, Jesus! I'm so happy that this boot can come off! Unfortunately, I didn't bring another shoe with me to the doctor (because I really didn't think this was going to be his diagnosis), so I'm stuck at work with the boot still on. Yep, still on. But, I figure if I've had it on for this long, a few extra hours aren't going to kill me.

I still have to "take it easy" for the next six weeks, which I know is going to be sort of hard for me. I can ride the bike and swim, though, and I'm looking forward to being able to do that. I think my clothes are going to enjoy that as well. I am driving, and I love being reunited with my car. Seriously, though. The Lord taught me a lot during these six weeks of having to be dependent upon other people, but I'm so glad that I can drive myself places now. So, so, so glad.

I cannot believe it's the middle of July. If I had stayed at camp, today would've been my last day. I start classes for the fall semester exactly one month from today. Summer is f-l-y-i-n-g by. We're planning some of our "final" summer events for students, and I can't believe this summer is almost over. I have so enjoyed spending time with students this summer, especially the middle school girls. They're in such a weird place in life that you can't not love them if you spend just a few minutes with them. They love life, they are enthusiastic and energetic, and I enjoy being with them lots. Especially this girl...

If the only reason I came home this summer was to get close to Jordan and show her more about Jesus, I'll take it. She makes me laugh lots and lots, and she's tons of fun to be around!

Augusta's been having some crazy summer storms lately, and frankly, I'm over it. They're annoying, and they come at all the wrong times. I know I should be grateful for the rain, but this is intense! And it's supposed to rain all weekend. 

I've been reading a lot. Jenny B. Jones and Robin Jones Gunn are my two current favorites. Robin Jones Gunn has been a fav for years, and I mean years. I've been reading her books since I was in middle school, and I so love each and every one of them. They carried me through my crazy teen years, and the Lord really used her books to speak to me about important issues in life. I recently discovered Jenny B. Jones, and I love her. I absolutely LOVE her books. She is a hilarious author, and her books crack me up. So, if you like to read, go find some Jenny B. Jones or Robin Jones Gunn. You won't be disappointed. 

I'm ending with this. Hillsong Live has a new album coming out called "Our God Is Able". (I think it's already available in some places, but I don't think it's available in the great U. S. of A.). This song, called "The Lost are Found" is one of my favorites ever. Check it out on YouTube, here.

Hope.

Today, my pastor preached a WONDERFUL message about the hope that we have in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I was encouraged, challenged, and convicted to share that hope with people in the world. I was also encouraged that I can put my hope in Christ right now as He shows me different things about Himself and reveals to me parts of His plan for my life. Lamentations 3:22-25 says, "The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I have hope in Him." The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him." I'm finding a lot of my hope in these verses found in Lamentations.

I'm currently reading the book All In: What it Takes to Be the Best by Gene Chizik, the head football coach of Auburn University. I went into the bookstore the other day just trying to find a fiction book or something to keep me entertained at work. I saw this and bought it only because of the fact that Chizik is the head football coach of Auburn, and I'm a HUGE Auburn fan. But, I'm so loving this book so far. Chizik talks about the two seasons that he spent at Iowa State University where he had a 5-19 record. He had come from many seasons where the schools he had coached at had many consecutive winning seasons. Chizik writes that in this time in his life he really learned how big God is and how to trust in Him. He said that if he had been at one of the previous schools he had been at, he wouldn't have been able to learn these things about God. But, while at Iowa State, he did.

SO MY LIFE. I'm learning things right now that I know for a fact that I wouldn't be able to learn at camp. I'm learning how to not be so controlling and to just go with what God has for me. I'm hoping in Him, and I'm waiting on Him. His timing is perfect, despite the fact that His timetable is completely different than mine.

On a completely random note, I have fallen in love with the TV show, Parks and Recreation. Seasons one and two are on instant queue on Netflix, and some of season three is on Hulu. It is hilarious. I mean, hilarious. So funny. Please check it out if you haven't.

Spent some time with Jack and Joe last night. Jack can officially say, "Ashton". I'm sort of sad that this boy is growing up. He still calls me "Ash Ash", but he's old enough to really say my name now. I so love those boys with all my heart!

Have a happy fourth of July, friends!

Work Clothes, a Car I Cannot Drive, and Other Thoughts

Post full of random thoughts and things? Yes, please.

Here goes...

1. We got staff shirts that we have to wear at work now. I hate them. Totally cramping my style. They're t-shirts, and they don't look half bad, but I have always prided myself on looking cute at work. Seriously, I have. Everyone at work knows that I'm the one who looks nice and cute there. Now, I'm lumped into the same category as everyone else with these t-shirts that have "STAFF" written in big letters on the back. We got the e-mail that the shirts came in on Monday, and even though I was at the church interning, I DID NOT pick up those things so that on Tuesday, when I worked, I could look cute. And I did. I rebelled, in my own sort of way, and then came into work today in athletic shorts and a t-shirt. Story of my life for a while, apparently.

2. My friend, Tyler, who is driving my car, headed to the beach this morning with his family, so my car is stuck at home and it can't be driven. It's such a sad day. It's weird to see my car in my driveway. When I woke up this morning and saw my car (he dropped it off last night), I thought he was at my house, and I was so confused. But, my parents are taking the car to the shop tonight, so no more confusion for a while.

3. I was told yesterday that I'm walking better with the boot on. I guess that's a good thing. I go back to the doctor two weeks from tomorrow, and hopefully a week after that I'll get to take the boot off. We had a water night at church last night, and I was SO sad that I couldn't get wet. But, I did get to spend some time with sweet Millie Kate, and that made it a lot better.

4. Speaking of babies, I was also told yesterday that I'm always with babies. And I heard the "Momma Ashton" nickname thrown out a few times, which I haven't heard in a long time. What can I say? I love those sweet babies. I get to spend some time with Jack + Joe on Saturday, and I'm SO looking forward to it!!

5. Boys and girls are so different. One of my guy friends asked me if crying was therapeutic for girls. When I said yes, he just shook his head and said, "That's so weird." We discussed my crying "patterns"/"habits", and he was beyond confused. I, on the other hand, am so confused as to why boys enjoy playing sports in the pouring down rain. What's up with that? You're already sweaty, and then you get super wet. Ew. Gross. No thanks.

6. I'm really looking forward to getting a lot of things done at my house this weekend. My parents have lots of projects that need to be done, and I'm hoping they get done this weekend! Every time my parents come to my house, they bring so much JUNK with them, and it's driving me crazy. Seriously. Every. Single. Time. Hopefully this weekend all that junk will be taken away!

7. I'm missing my friends. Two are on a mission trip, and I'm looking forward to them coming home this weekend. Some more are at camps all over the country, and I want them to be back in Augusta! Others are just out of town, and I want them back in the AUG as well.

8. I'm LOVING this verse I found in Isaiah the other day. I'll finish with it. It's Isaiah 30:18 and it says, "Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him!" 

just let me go.

This past year, the Great Commission has become a huge spot in my heart, and I've been dwelling on those verses a lot. In Matthew, chapter 28, verses 19 and 20, we are not called but commanded to go to all the nations and spread the Gospel. We are to go, we are to make disciples, and we are to teach them all that He's commanded us. It's our command to go.

So, I've wanted to go. I've wanted to get out of Augusta, and I've wanted to take the Gospel to some of those six thousand people groups that HAVE NEVER HEARD OF THE GOSPEL. I've wanted to sell all my stuff, say au revoir, hop on a plane, and never look back. I've wanted to go with the Good News of Jesus Christ.

And I went....sort of. I went to North Carolina, thinking that this would be a start for me. Thinking that going to camp where a bunch of kids don't know Jesus Christ would be perfect for me. I could tell them about Jesus, show them about His love, and share the Gospel with these kids. Yet, I never even got to see these kids. I didn't get that far. I got three days into staff training and then the Lord made it VERY clear to me that He wanted me home. So, here I am.

I was in the car with a friend the other day, and we had a twenty or so minute drive ahead of us. He says to me, "So, after you get your degree, do you want to stay in Augusta or what?" Boy, did he just open up a can of worms or what. I proceed to tell him for the next ten minutes or so about how I would so go to a foreign country if the Lord called me to that. I told him how I've struggled this past semester with staying in college and not going far away to tell others about Christ. I fully expected him to say something along the lines of, "Oh that's so awesome. I totally admire that." But, he didn't. He said some hard stuff to me. He said, "You know, Ashton, God has you here in Augusta for a reason. Go for it. Don't spend all of college waiting to be done so you can go and share the Gospel in other places. Share it here. Take advantage of this time in your life, because you'll never have these years back." He went on for a while, and I was honestly stumped and sort of ticked. Did he really just say those things to me?

I mulled over his words for the rest of the day and into that night. I started to get upset about the whole thing, and I was sort of mad at him for saying what he said. Didn't he see that I had this great plan to share the Gospel with lots of different people? Shouldn't he be proud of me for that?

Then the Lord softened my heart. I began to see my friend's words for what they were---wise, biblical counsel. Instead of being upset about what he had said, I was grateful. My perspective changed. I shouldn't just be waiting to leave Augusta to share the Gospel; I should be sharing it IN Augusta. The Lord obviously wanted me in Augusta this summer. He obviously wanted me in my house, teaching a girls' Bible study, interning for free, and sharing the Gospel through all of it. I can't go to the nations this summer, but I can go outside my front door. I'm going to try my hardest to go this summer and share the Gospel throughout Augusta.

P.S. Loving this verse:
"Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed." - Proverbs 15:22

they left me.

So, this morning, my parents left for the beach. Without me.

This isn't too unusual. They've gone to HHI plenty of times without me. They went last month. Ever since I started driving, they started going to the beach while I was at summer camp or during other times in the year. I usually don't mind. I'm not a huge beach fan, especially when all they do is sit at the beach all day long. But, this time was a little different, and I was slightly offended yesterday afternoon when my mom told me she and my dad were off for the rest of the week because they were probably going to the beach.

Why was I (and still am) offended you ask? BECAUSE I'M STUCK IN THIS BOOT AND CANNOT DRIVE.

Seriously, if I get stuck somewhere, who is going to pick me up if my parents are three hours away? And, I guess there is a part of me that just wants to get out of this town. Okay, there's a HUGE part of me that wants to get out of the good ol' AUG. Their reasoning for not taking me? Someone has to take care of the dog, and naturally that would be me. Thanks, Carter and Robin. Preciate it.

On another note, I went to the doctor yesterday, and my ankle is "healing properly". I go back in three weeks, and hopefully a week after that I get to take the boot off. I'm so ready to get this thing off and be able to drive. Not only do I hate asking people to pick me up or take me home, but I really miss my alone time in the car. I do all of my thinking then. And I miss listening to what I want to listen to in the car. And I really miss my car smelling like a girl. Silly boys and their smells. I really, really miss driving.

Last week was VBS, and I got to be in a first grade classroom. They were so much fun! One of my boys gave ALL of his piggy bank money to our missions offering, and I was so blessed by his obedience to the Lord. I also had one of my favorite kiddos ever in my class, Sarah Beth. SB's mom is Casie's best friend (Casie is my old boss/big sister, etc). I love SB. She's one of the cutest and most hilarious kids I've ever met. She was also in my small group, and I loved getting to spend time with her!

SB and me at crafts one day! 

There were lots and lots and lots of high school and middle school events last week and this week, so as interns, we spent TONS of time with students (and hanging out without them). I love hanging out with students and getting to do life with them. That's the whole reason of getting to be an intern--being able to love on students and show them the love of Christ. I just so love it. Anyway, last Saturday we went to a Green Jackets game, and it was lots of fun...until a huge storm came and we had to leave during the third inning. It was still a good night though, and we ended up hanging out at my house to escape the storm (there's something up with GA and these random storms we keep having). 

Clara, Leah, Tyler, and I at the game.

One student, three interns...like I said, us interns like hanging out together!

(There were more students there; one even took this!) 

Tomorrow we have a small group leadership dinner to get ready for the fall. I'm really excited because the youth group is shifting into separate middle and high school ministries, and we're going from Sunday school classes to table groups. This allows a leader to really get involved in the lives of students on a more personal level, and I'm super pumped because I get to be one! I'm more than likely starting with a group of eighth graders, staying with them for a year, and then getting a group of sixth graders next year to have for three years. I can't wait to really have my own small group of girls to pour into. 

The Lord's been teaching me LOTS this summer, and even though it's not what I had planned originally, I'm grateful for what He's doing in my life this summer. 

seven day blog challenge, day five.

day five: three things you miss

1. the community i had in high school--solid teachers, biblical teaching, and a positive environment
2. driving; i know it's a privilege to have a car and to be able to drive it, so i should be thankful that i even have that opportunity, but i miss it SO much. this boot can't get off fast enough!
3. my grandpa; not to get all sappy or anything, but i miss that man more than anyone else! he was by far one of my favorite people in the whole world, and he was my biggest fan in life. miss him tons.

i just want to SCREAM!

and i have. one of the joys of living alone is that you can scream to your heart's desire, and no one will judge you for it (except for maybe your neighbors). i have been on one crazy emotional roller coaster over the past two weeks, and i am really just ready for life to get back to normal.

at this very time two weeks ago, i was sitting on a picnic table in Asheville while numerous CCC staff members were around me trying to figure out what to do with me and my foot. little did i know that God would be bringing me back to Augusta just 24 hours later. it's crazy to me to think that CCC is now in it's second week of summer camp, and i'm at home, not getting to be apart of it.

at this very time a week ago, everything had gotten to me. the tears that i had been holding inside for the past week or so were ready to come out, but i wouldn't let them. my life had done a complete 180, and i was sitting in my house with Tyler and Leah eating lunch. i really didn't think i would do that this summer, let alone spend most of my summer as a "crip" (my nickname given to me by more than one friend) who can't drive.

last week was just stressful. there's no other way to put it. Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday were pretty good days. i got a lot done in my house, we had a cookout on Sunday night, and lots of hanging out was done at my house. but then Wednesday came. i guess it was just my breaking point. i ended up SOBBING that night with my boss, Drew, and it was good to get everything out. it was still just a really rough day, and i ended up spending the night with some friends because i didn't want to be alone. my keys got lost, i was stuck in an awkward place with two friends, and a huge storm came through Augusta that tore my mailbox in two!

i was ready for the weekend, so that i could get away from all the drama i have been placed in. it's so hard for me, because i keep thinking, "if i were in Asheville, i wouldn't have to deal with this." i know that God has a reason for every single thing He's doing, but it's so so so hard for me to remember that sometimes. especially when crazy things go wrong. the keys ended up being found, and the mailbox got fixed (i should've taken a picture of that thing before and after; it looks crazy good now). i ended up getting to hang out with my two favorite Chelseas over the weekend, and i am SO beyond grateful for that time with them. a few of us went to a GreenJackets game on Saturday night, and besides having to leave after three innings due to the rain, it was a fun night. but, like a roller coaster, the fun eventually ends.

before i left for camp, i wrote a post and i talked about not getting to be apart of the "unit" of interns and student ministry staff this summer. now that i am, i find myself looking on the other side of the fence and asking the "what if" questions. there have been times this past week that i HATE what i'm doing, and that i HATE being in Augusta. right now, i wish i was far far away from Augusta and that little "unit". but there's this other part of me that hates that i feel that way and remembers what a blessing it is to be apart of that "unit". i think the past two days have been super frustrating and hard, so instead of facing the problem head on, i want to run away from it.

i still don't know WHAT God's trying to teach me right now. but, i was going through some stuff the other day and found this quote and i love it. it says, "Seasons change. God never does."

Why am I in Augusta?!?

So, this past week has been a roller coaster ride for me. I have been on some super highs, and I have also been on some super lows. One question that I asked my friend Tyler the other day has really stuck with me over the past few days. The question is, "Why am I in Augusta dealing with the things I'm dealing with?"

I so want to know the heart of God in this journey I'm walking in right now. Why did He bring me home? What's the point? If I was in Asheville at camp, the things that are major distractions to me right now would be in the back of my mind. I'm just in a huge funk. Satan's attacking me in almost every direction, and I absolutely HATE it.

I'm a control freak. I'll admit it. I've gotten better over the years, but it's still something I struggle with a lot. During this time of my life, I'm having to rely on other people to do simple things like take me to work and church or even take me to the store. I hate it. If people are at my house (which they have been a lot lately), they won't let me do certain things, which is for my own benefit, but I'm SO independent that it kills me. I can't even take a quick trip to Target without someone else because I can't drive. Again, I hate it. 

I know the Lord is really using this time to shape me into a woman that is after His own heart. I've been reminded time and time again by so many people here in Augusta that there is a reason I'm home. The other day that reason was for me to love on some sweet middle school girls and share the Word with them. Today that reason was for me to join in on fellowship with the high schoolers after VBS. My pastor preached on Ecclesiastes 3 this past Sunday morning, and his message was just what I needed. Like Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, "There is a time for everything." Later on in the chapter in verse eleven it says, "He has made everything appropriate in its time. He has also set eternity in their heart, yet so that man will not find out the work which God has done from the beginning even to the end." These are two verses that I'm holding onto right now in this time in my life.

I have a feeling that one day I'll look back on this time and remember it as one of the greatest times in my relationship with the Lord.  If anything, I've learned how to rely on Him and how to go to Him with all of my needs. He's allowing me to walk some hard things right now from a broken ankle to relationship issues. The middle school girls' Bible study that I (now) get to help lead is about Philippians. Philippians 1 is about "joy in the journey". I prepared this study for them on one of the harder days I've had this past week. I was so encouraged by Philippians 1:6 where Paul says, "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus."

There are some areas of my life right now where I am beyond confused about what is going on. There are people in my life right now that I never would've imagined being there nor imagined God using them SO much. I'm making some new and good friends, and I'm walking through some tough stuff with some of my old friends. Yet, despite all of these things, I'm claiming to one HUGE promise that the Lord has for all of us which is Jeremiah 29:11. "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you a hope and a future."

i really think God has a sense of humor.

i mean, He has to. if we're all created in HIS image, wouldn't HE be funny if there are people made by Him that are hilarious? God has been doing some things in my life lately that just make me want to laugh!

first, i break my ankle. i mean, who does that besides me? i'm a huge klutz, and i would be the one to go away for six weeks only to come home three days later with a broken ankle. God had me laughing a little bit there.

then, i come home only to hang out with some people that i don't really know all that well. i've been hanging out with people that i never ever dreamed of hanging out with let alone having them come to my house for dinner. God's sense of humor is just getting to me these days.

besides those things plus a few more, God's just been throwing me some curveballs lately in this game called life. my summer is going in the complete opposite direction of how i planned, and i'm honestly okay with that. i don't know what to do in some ways, but at the same time, i'm loving just hanging out and going with the flow.

i'm learning to be okay and content with the people God has in my life right now, for this season. even though i don't know why on earth they're in my life right now, i'm cool with it. God's teaching me lots of things, and He's having me walk through this time for a reason. i think His sense of humor--or irony--has something to do with it. and that's fine by me.

"so, like what are you going to do now?"

this was a question asked by one of the interns today at lunch. he politely asked me what i was going to do with my summer now that i'm not at camp. my answer: i have no idea. 

and i really don't. i can't drive, and i can barely work because i wasn't scheduled to work so i have to take random shifts when they give them to me. i can't go anywhere unless i know i'll have a ride to and from wherever i'm going, and that's already been a hassle/struggle. i don't know what i'm going to do.

i got home Tuesday, and Leah and Tyler, my youth pastor's brother, came over. Tyler's driving my car for the next few weeks, and Leah was bringing him over so that he could get it. they spent a few hours with me, and it was lots of fun! i was really thankful they could come over. on Wednesday, i spent the morning trying to get an appointment with the ortho doc here in town, and once i finally got one, my mom and i spent over 2 hours waiting to be seen. i got a boot (hallelujah) that i have to wear for six weeks. i'm just so happy it's not a cast and crutches! my mom took me to Leah, and we went and hung out with Micah, my youth pastor's wife, for the night. Tyler picked me up this morning, and i interned all day. i'm at home now with my foot propped up because it hurts a lot!

i'm having to really trust that God knows what He's doing. i hate asking people for rides, and i feel like i'm such a huge inconvenience. plus, i can never go anywhere on my time. so i can't just run to the store if i feel the need. i'm already ready for these six weeks to be over.

i think i'll spend a lot of time interning and hanging out in the student office. i'm thinking about moving into my house because i'll be ten times closer to everything then at my parents' house. i have no clue what God's doing, but i'm clinging to the promise that He has a plan for me and a hope and future.

i didn't even get my staff shirt!

i left for camp on Saturday morning.  it was surreal, in a way.  i got to sleep in, because i didn't have to be at camp until 4 PM.  i enjoyed taking my time getting ready, spending some last moments with my family, and eating some comfort food (frozen yogurt tubes from Kroger).  i got to camp, and i was a little nervous, but i was so excited!

i pulled in, unloaded all my stuff, and got on a bus where i met a girl named Courtney.  she's super duper sweet, and she's a senior counselor doing day camp like i was.  i met a few other people who were just awesome.  people that i wanted to become best friends with because they were so sweet, and i could see the love of Christ shining through them.

we did a lot of training that night, played random games where we could meet everyone, ate, and hung out a lot (i even met a fellow Auburn fan!).  on Sunday, we had a speaker come in.  she used to be a counselor at camp, and she had lots of wisdom that she shared with us.  the rest of the day was super fun and enjoyable.  we were split up into groups the night before, and we spent a lot of time with our groups on Sunday.  i loved my group, and i really enjoyed the time we got to spend together learning about different things at camp.

on Monday, we got up, and then all the senior counselors headed to hike the rappel trail.  i hate the rappel trail.  i've hiked it once before, and i was so not looking forward to doing this again.  it's steep. it's long.  it's a mountain for crying out loud.  then i found out we were climbing a DIFFERENT trail, one that is STEEPER than the old one.  oh, i was so dreading this hike (this is why i chose to do day camp, they don't do stuff like this!).  so, after taking some breaks and drinking almost all of my camelbak and panting a lot, i finally made it to the rappel site.  i felt gross and nasty, but i was there.  i got to chat with some people, including my "Georgia" buddy, Ellie (love her), lots.  it was super fun, but i was ready to get back down to camp so i could eat lunch.

the way down the trail is all downhill, but it's pretty steep and rocky and it's hard to get your footing.  i was maybe 100 yards from the rappel site, and i tripped on something.  who knows, i could've just tripped.  and all of a sudden, i heard my ankle pop.  it sounded nasty! hours later, after x-rays and tons of ice, the doctor comes into the exam room, and says, "well, you broke it." the worst words i've ever had to hear (okay, maybe not, but for right now they are).  i came back to camp, and i'm put in the comfort cabin, and Jen (one of the full-time staff) says to me, "Ashton, if you have to have a cast for six weeks, there's no way you can be a counselor."

i didn't cry.  at this point, i did want to be home with my ridiculously swollen ankle, but i didn't want to leave.  i was loving hanging out with the new friends i had made, and i was so ready to see where God was going to take me this summer at CCC.  but, obviously He had different plans, and i'm having to be okay with that.  i got to spend some time with Abby (another full-time staff) last night while she brought me food and anything else i needed since everyone else was on the camp out (not too sad about missing that one).  i really enjoyed that time getting to know Abby, but i wish it had been under different circumstances.

this morning, i woke up and managed to take a shower (thanks to the handicapped bathroom i got to use), and i got to watch the staff perform their skits (so fun).  then, my parents got there to pick me up.  i said my goodbyes, all the full-time staff told me to stay in touch and to visit if i can, and then i left to come back home.  i spent most of the time in the car talking to doctors in augusta and asheville and staff at camp trying to figure out worker's comp stuff (SO BEYOND FRUSTRATING).  hopefully, i'll be able to get my cast on tomorrow.

it hit me once i got home, and i cried for like three minutes.  but that was it.  right now, i'm trusting in this verse, "watch and be utterly amazed. for I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe even if you were told." - habakkuk 1:5

and yes, i'm really said i didn't even get my staff shirt!