18 is behind me.

2010 has been full of blessings, a few struggles, lots of changes, and year that only God could have ordained. Year end review in pictures? I think so!

eighteenth birthday celebration.

snow in augusta.

fashion show. 

D-NOW.

Easter Sunday with Uncle Johnny.

Amelia Island. 

Best Prom Date Ever!

New Orleans, LA. 

Senior Trip. 

Graduation.

Favorite High School Teacher!

Summer Camp. 

Hilton Head. 

BD & me in Huntsville.

Best Friend & me in Panama.

College Road Trip!

Best Friends. 

 

Auburn!

Steeplechase. 

Thanksgiving.

3 Generations. 

Cousins. 

so thankful for all that God gave me in 2010. cannot wait to see what He has in store for me in 2011!

My First White Christmas.

The plan for Christmas this year was for the family to wake up a little earlier than normal (we never do Christmas before 11 AM in my house), open presents, go to our friends' house for lunch, then me leave their house to head to Alabama for my Christmas with my BD and his family. Well, Mom woke me up at 7:45 as my Dad was coming back home with my grandma. We all ate breakfast and read parts of the Bible together, then headed to the living room for present time! After we were done opening presents, I went to my room to grab my phone. I had a text from my BD that said "Merry Christmas...we have 1 and a half inches of snow on the ground...you still coming?" My heart sunk. I knew that my Mom would probably not let me go. She freaks out enough about me going to Alabama when it's a typical day. So me driving for 6 hours + snow would be a definite no from Mom. I went back in the living room and told my parents. Dad said it was okay as long as I was super careful. So, a few hours later I was headed to Alabama.

In my opinion, my trip is broken up in three parts: the drive from Augusta to Atlanta (2 hours), the drive from Atlanta to Birmingham (2 hours), and the drive from Birmingham to Huntsville (2 hours). I usually stop in Atlanta and Birmingham due to my super small bladder :) The drive from Augusta to Atlanta wasn't too bad. There was mainly rain, but no snow. But once I hit Atlanta, it turned into that awful snow/rain mix. I thought I was NEVER going to get to Huntsville! I stopped in Birmingham at a gas station and the whole thing seemed so surreal to me. Driving to my family on Christmas Day, snow everywhere...it seemed like something out of a Hallmark movie to me. Plus, I was spending CHRISTMAS with my biological family. Yeah, this had to be out of a movie!

I got to Huntsville and it was beautiful! Snow was everywhere. It was a White Christmas that I had never seen anything like before. My family and I had a really good Christmas dinner and we hung out a lot that night. The next morning, we woke up to like 3 more inches of snow! It was gorgeous. That afternoon, I had a snowball fight with my two cousins who are 5 and 6. It was something I'll always remember.

Let's just say this was one of the most different Christmases I've ever had, but I loved every part of it!

my cousin Jackson and me BEFORE our snowball fight :) 

Jackson making a snowball

JP's super cute face, but he nailed me with that snowball right after I took this! 

the things i love...

...well, at least the things i love this week.

1. pictures inside my mac cover
2. my Christmas tree, even though it tilts waaaayyyy too far to the left
3. the store, 2nd & Charles
4. Lights of the South, despite the freezing cold weather
5. Tacky Sweater Parties
6. the book Operation World. check out more here
7. Christmas Eve Services
8. this
9. Nutella
10. my adorable coat i bought this week!

That's about all for my random post of the day. Merry Christmas Eve everyone!!!

guest post.

my best friend Chelsea let me guest post on her blog, Free to Be Me.
it was such an honor and if you click on the yellow box on the side of this blog that says "I was featured on free to be me" then it will take you straight to that post. AND check out her blog...it's way much more creative than mine and very encouraging :)

it's the simple things.

today, i bought the cutest jacket at Old Navy. it's one of those peacoats, that goes to your knees, and it's navy. i absolutely adore it. i came home and told my mom about it and wore it around the house for a solid 40 minutes.

it hit me that it's the simple things in life that help me go through my crazy day to day life. it freaked me out that i'm going to Alabama on Saturday. i haven't seen my BD and his family since June so i'm sort of nervous. plus i'm meeting some of the family that i've never met before. yeah, i'm freaking out.

but, then i look at the cute starbucks cup that my gift card is in that my big "brother" Drew gave me today for Christmas and it makes me smile. i see my little tree in the corner of my room and i smile again. i see ALL the pictures in my room of my precious best friends and i smile some more.

i realize that it is really the simple things that mean the most to me.

home for the holidays.

ever since college started, one of my absolute FAVORITE things is when my best friends come home. weekends that i get to spend with them are the highlights of my week, sometimes even my month. some of my favorite memories of this semester have been when those best friends of mine have been home :)

since it's Christmastime and we're in college now, time spent with my friends gets to be longer. and i love it! over the past week, i've already gotten to hang out with my best friends numerous times.

Christmas Dinner at my house one night! 

The 2nd Annual Tacky Sweater Party

Success? Check! 

Christmas is next week.

wow.

i looked at the calendar yesterday and was like "oh, I'm going to Alabama next week. Yay!" Then it hit me. I'm going to Alabama next week. CHRISTMAS IS NEXT WEEK.

with everything going on from finals to friends coming home to taking the annual Christmas Card Picture with the family, i guess i failed to really realize that Christmas is next week. until yesterday.

yesterday was a super duper hard day for me, but i learned a ton. i have this issue where when i do something that i end up regretting, i tend to live in that moment. instead of assessing the situation, processing the outcome, and moving on, i play the "what if" game. which is so not healthy.  Erwin Lutzer puts it better than I ever can when he says, "In Christ, we can move out of our past into a meaningful present and a breathtaking future."

so, even though i've been super busy so far in December and i wish i had done some things differently, i'm grateful for what the Lord is teaching me through it all. my future, which is in Christ, can and will be amazing as long as i don't live in the "what if" stage.

and realizing that Christmas is next week, i'm going to keep my perspective on what Christmas really is all about--the birth of our Savior and Lord.

facebook fast, day 1.

i've fasted from things before. one time, my mom and i fasted from all carbonated drinks to remember to pray for this girl who was suffering from this nasty disease. i honestly can't remember the name of the disease now, but i do remember spending about a month in 2007 without coke so that i could pray for her healing. i took a facebook fast earlier this year, for about a week. in all honesty, that doesn't sound like much to me. i remember being a little girl and hearing my grandpa saying how he was going to fast for like 40 days or something crazy like that. i remember thinking, "wow. that is so cool. he's being like Jesus!" i think if i told my grandpa that i was "facebook fasting" he would be so completely confused. the man can barely access his e-mail, let alone understand what facebook is. anyway, i took a break back in september so that i could get my priorities straight and so that i wouldn't see certain things that i knew i would see if i was on facebook.  i knew it was something i had to do. and i honestly didn't miss facebook. i spent my time catching up on some reading, spending a little more time on Twitter :) and spending more time with Jesus.
this time is a little different. my reasons for facebook fasting are different. my priorities are still a little wack, but i have finals this week and next so i decided it would be best if i didn't have the distraction of facebook. and honestly, as sad as it sounds, i miss it! i miss seeing the random things that my friends post, seeing pictures, even changing my status. i guess i'm a little obsessed...which is awful. i didn't miss facebook in Panama nor a few months ago. hopefully, i won't miss it too much tomorrow.

parties and people and presents and purchases and problems and projects.

so, Thanksgiving has come and gone. my Thanksgiving was surprisingly stress free and fun. my family enjoyed Thanksgiving Day with another sweet family that we are really good friends with. i enjoyed having something completely different than i've ever had before.

i didn't go out and take part in the Black Friday MADNESS. i did make a few purchases on Friday--one at Target around 11 AM, after the early morning crowd was at home asleep, and one at Surcie, the gift shop where i work.

i saw people on Saturday. people with whom i made plans to party with and exchange presents with. people with whom i can tend to have problems with how our projects are going to take place. people who are, no matter what, precious to me.

as i was lying in the bed Saturday night, the stress that comes with the month of December hit me. i have only three days of classes left and four days of finals. that brings enough stress in and of itself. this coming weekend, i'm going to Florida to see my family. i'm super excited to see them, but being away for a weekend brings more stress. then i have three days of finals, and my friends from college will start to come home. that's when the parties begin. ahh, December will be FUN but CRAZY.

i prayed last night for the Lord to just calm my nerves. today's sermon at church was perfect. our teaching pastor preached on "Seasonal Attention Deficit Disorder" and how we tend to get caught up in the stuff instead of the Savior. so, as i begin these next few crazy weeks, i'm going to try my hardest to stay in perspective, keep Christ first, and then go on with my life. i encourage you to do the same!

the Thanksgiving post.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.
-Psalm 100:4


Around Thanksgiving and Christmas, I always tend to become reflective over the past year and it always amazes me at how good God is to me. This year, I'm particularly thankful for a few things:

1. The depth of my relationship with my Savior. This year, the Lord has shown me great things about Himself, and has revealed Himself in ways to me that I never thought were possible.  I have come to know the Lord in a greater and deeper way than I could have ever imagined. 

2. My sweet and precious parents. Even though they drive me crazy sometimes, I couldn't have gotten better parents. I love them so! 

My Graduation

3. My awesome trip that I was able to take to Panama during this summer. The Lord taught me SO much and I'm SO grateful that I was able to serve the Lord in that way. 

The Village of Incandi

4. Old friends--and new ones. I'm thankful to be apart of the fabulous five. These four girls, Chelsea, Hannah, Mary Beth, and Sarah, make up a huge part of who I am. I could not have picked out better friends to love me, to accept me, and to help show me different parts of the Lord's heart. I'm a better person because they are in my life! 

Hannah, Sarah, Mary Beth, Me, and Chelsea

Steeplechase 2010

5. Old friends--and new ones, part two. I have three sweet friends--Caroline, Chelsea, and Corey--from church that encourage me, lift me up, and love me no matter what. I'm thankful for sweet memories from the summer and this first semester in college, for the support they give me, and for the true blessings they are in my life! They, too, show me different parts of the Lord's heart and His plan for my life. 

Chelsea and me in Atlanta at Passion City Church

Corey and me at Carowinds

Caroline and me in Auburn

6. My other family--the biological one :) They show me another part of who I am, of how my life could have been, and why I am the way I am. They are a huge blessing to me, even if they don't realize that. 

My Aunt Katrina, My BD--Kenny, My Grandma, and Me

Easter 2010

JP, Jackson, and Me

7. The super sweet Harris/Janik family. The student pastor at my church, Grant, his wife Micah, their super sweet son, Harris, and Micah's sister, Mollie Kate, are all very dear and precious to my heart. They have become a whole other family to me.  I am blessed by them, their love for the Lord, and their love for me :) 

Micah and Me in West Virginia on Ski Retreat

Harris and Me

Mollie Kate and Me in Asheville, NC at Summer Camp

Grant and Me in Panama

8. The Hills. Graham, Casie, Jack, and the soon to be born Joe. I LOVE this family and I am beyond blessed by them on a daily basis. Casie's sweet friendship/sisterhood makes me a better person. Graham's humor makes me laugh. Jack just makes me smile, ALL the time. I love this family!! 

Casie and Me at my Graduation 

Jack and Me this Summer

9. Augusta Christian Schools. It was where I graduated from. This place has formed a huge spot in my heart, and for that I am forever grateful.  I'm blessed because of this school, the people there, and what God has done in and through it. 

I could go on and on. But that's all for now! I hope you have an excellent Thanksgiving and that the Lord blesses you and those who mean the most to you. 

life is precious.

this week, i have been reminded how precious and fragile life really is.

a sweet, sweet family that is dear to my heart has just lost one of their sons, one of their brothers. while seeing status updates on facebook and encouraging wall posts, my heart has been broken for this family. i cannot even begin to imagine what this family is feeling and what they are going through. i know that the Lord is giving them a "peace that passes all understanding" but i still cannot begin to fathom the pain and the hurt they are going through.

after a week of praying for this sweet family and seeing that God's will was different than what we all wanted, i was able to spend time with some of the biggest blessings in my life. i was able to surprise one of my best friends, and i was able to just hang out, something none of us have gotten to do since SUMMER. i found myself realizing how blessed i am, and i was so thankful for these sweet people that love me so. i guess the time is right for me to realize how grateful i am--i mean Thanksgiving is in just five days.

so, even though i know i will probably take life for granted again, i'm super thankful for the reminder i got this week at how precious it really is.

(and if you get a chance, send a prayer to the Lord for this sweet family i know!)

Jittery Joe's, Athens, and Mollie Kate.

I went to Athens this past weekend with my friend Leah to see our friend Hannah. While I was there, I was able to go to coffee with my dear sweet friend, Mollie Kate.

Athens has formed a place in my heart; part of it has to do with the fact that three of my closest friends live there and another part of it has to do with Athens itself.  I love any place that I can get around and feel confident in where I am going. I just like getting to know a place well enough that it's formed a place in my heart.  Places like Athens and Hilton Head and Huntsville are all places like this.  So, while I was in Athens, a place called Jittery Joe's formed a little tiny spot in my heart.

I met Mollie Kate the day after graduation.  It was her first day as an intern at the church, and she was serving drinks at our graduation brunch.  I knew who she was--her sister, Micah, is my youth pastor's wife and during the course of my senior year, I got very close to her. So, I knew that if Mollie Kate was anything like Micah (which she is) then I would love her. And I do, oh so much!

Over the summer, Mollie Kate became one of those kindred spirits like Anne Shirley and Diana Barry were in the Anne of Green Gables' series.  Mollie Kate also known as Mollie or MKate to me is one of the most precious beings of God's creation.  She has one of the most generous and loving spirits of any person I have ever met.  She has the amazing ability to not only hear what it is I am saying, but to listen and remember all of my crazy life stories. She accepts me for who I am--and that is a daughter of the Most High God.

Mollie encouraged me a lot at Jittery Joe's this past Friday night.  She took me to a place that I now love, in a town that I love, and loved me unconditionally.  She showed me how selfless a person who is devoted to Jesus Christ can be.  Mollie Kate became even more of an example to me of how love is poured out through one who loves Jesus Christ. I just hope that one day I can be more like Mollie.

be yo self.

i'm having an issue these past few days with "being myself". i have this situation in my life that i have made super awkward. i have this friend that i've been beyond awkward with lately, and i've been trying super hard to fix it. i've been praying, seeking wise counsel, and definitely thinking about it a lot. i talked to my mom about it a lot and she kept saying, "just be yourself, ashton. that's all you can do anyway." but i decided to keep being awkward, and it really bothered me how this situation was being handled on both ends. so tonight, after some more wise counsel, i decided to be myself. and it was the smartest thing i've ever done. i don't know why it surprised me so much that once i was finally myself, everything would be okay. God created me to be me and not somebody else. so when i finally embraced the true and beautiful creation that God had made me to be, not a second class version of something else, everything went okay. i just wanted to share with you the little thing i learned today, and that is to be yo self. 

thoughts from aunt a.

i have many roles in my life.
one of the greatest and one of my most favorite, is my role as "Aunt Ashton" or "Aunt A". i love my nephew Jack; he's the most important boy in my life right now :)

anyway, last night i was at the church for our annual Halloween Family Festival thing and Jack was there. For a while, I took him around and played with him. it was finally time for them to go and i was holding Jack. i went to give him back to his dad, Graham, and he clung to me. At first, i thought it was sweet that Jack knows me well enough to want to stay with me. Graham jokingly said, "Fine, Jack. Stay with Aunt A. See if Aunt A is the one who wakes up with you if you're sick during the night. Go back with Aunt A for a little bit."

I laughed and Jack and I went back to the gym so he could play some more. I thought about what Graham had said as the night went on, even once I got home and it struck me that the way Jack treated his Daddy is how we sort of treat God. we see something good and fun, in this case it was me for Jack, and when we have to go back to God, we say "NO" and cling to our sin. Yet in reality, our sin isn't the thing that's going to be there when we're in trouble during the middle of the night. Our sin isn't going to scoop us up when we fall and scrape our knee and start crying. That's only something that our Daddy God can do.

so, even when i was being Aunt A last night, i learned a lot about my Daddy God. something that should never cease to amaze me.

just a kiss from my favorite boy :) 

as of late.

it's been a while, dear blog.

school and life have kept me crazy busy! out of the five weekends in october, i've been out of town one and will be for two more and the other two are packed FULL. not to mention every day of the week has a different theme, basically. each day i have major goals that have to be accomplished and going to class seems to be on the bottom of the list some days (unfortunately).

i'm not gonna lie, i love to be busy. i just LOVE it. but i'm not doing such a great job of managing my time wisely these days. i never have been good at that, honestly.

these new days of college and "adulthood" are weird. they are just plain weird. i'm not miserable where i'm at but i don't love where i'm at. i'm in such an odd time of my life. i do have to say though, surprisingly i love augusta. i love this whole different part of it that i'm seeing now that i'm in college. i love being able to come and go, visit different people, see different places of the southeast.

two weekends ago, i visited one of my best friends, Caroline, in Auburn. i have been an Auburn fan since before i could walk. my dad went there, and deep down i always thought i would end up there. i love the school; it's in my blood. i have Auburn t-shirts, hoodies, stickers on my car, you name it. but over the past few months, after i had decided to stay at ASU and i made the decision to go into PR and get a degree for event planning, i began researching schools that had good PR programs. and Auburn wasn't one of them. i knew that, deep down, but i guess it didn't hit me until going there. i now know that Auburn is not the place for me. it's Caroline's place; it's the place my dad went and spent his days.

i decided back at the beginning of this semester that i wanted a place that i could call my own. out of my best friends, Hannah is at GCSU, Chelsea is at Southern, MB is at Mercer, and Sarah's at Clemson. i know that my college experience will never be what theirs is. but i'm okay with that. and now, as i wait to see where God wants me to go, i'm embracing ASU and loving my time in Augusta :)

jumping off a cliff.

on thursday, the Lord asked me to jump off a cliff. not literally, of course, but spiritually.

i had to put a break on a friendship with one of my very best friends. this friendship was causing me to stumble, so i had to step back and make the wise decision. this was one of the hardest things the Lord has ever asked me to do in my entire life. i had to get rid of a blessing, a huge blessing, so that the Lord can teach me something, so that the Lord can reveal Himself to me in new way.

i'm taking a break this week from facebook as well. i didn't really realize how much time i spend on facebook. i know that if i remove myself from some situations, the Lord will get the greater glory. but it hurts a lot to do that.

even though i don't know what the Lord is doing in my life exactly, i know that He caught me when i jumped off that cliff on thursday.

my challenge to you is this quote:
"Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time." - Oswald Chambers

a year of blessings.

the other day was a milestone for me. it had been one year since i first e-mailed my BD. i started thinking about how far he & i have come & how far the Lord has taken me in one single year.

1. my relationship with my BD & his family. if you asked me a year ago, when i was just a few weeks into my senior year, if i thought my BD would come to my high school graduation, i would have slapped you silly. i would have told you that you had lost your mind & that nothing like that could ever happen. if you had asked me a year ago, just a week into my relationship with my BD if i would meet him before the end of the year, i would have slapped you again. the Lord has so GRACIOUSLY given me an opportunity to have a relationship with my BD, his family--my family. i am in awe of all that the Lord has done in that area of my life.

2. my choice of college & intended major. if you had asked me a year ago, where i would be enrolled as a freshman in college, i would have told you Georgia Southern University. there was NO way i would ever stay in Augusta & go to ASU. it wasn't even an option to me. if you had asked me what i planned to do for the rest of my life, i would have told you "become a teacher". that's what i always thought i would do, that was my plan. now, i'm at ASU, looking at staying 2 years, & looking at schools that have good PR programs because i want to be an event planner. was that my plan?? NO. the Lord has shown me what it is HE wants me to do, not me.

3. my senior year. there's no easy way to describe that my senior year went completely different than how i thought it would. there's no way to explain that the friendships i made, i never thought i would make. the only way to explain it is that the Lord blessed me so very much, & senior year was the best year of my life!

4. how i spent my summer. if you had told me a year ago, that i would go to camp as the only senior girl, i would have laughed in your face. if you had said that i would go to hilton head & then to alabama by myself, i would have laughed some more. then, if you had said that i would go to panama, on an awestar mission trip, i would have laughed so hard, that you might think i have a disorder.

i have never been SO blessed in one full year in my whole life. granted, i haven't lived that long, but i wouldn't trade any of this year for the world. i have relationships with family members that i didn't know existed; i have relationships with people that are now my best friends that i thought weren't that special; i have been blessed by a heavenly Father who loves me so very much.

Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. 
-Psalm 37:4

no longer in a comfort zone.

i have never experienced the bond that a community of believers can have until this summer.

the Lord blessed me with a summer that was exceedingly more than I could ever have dreamed or even asked for. i got close to those who i really never thought i would get close with, and i got closer with those who i didn't think i could get closer with.

i was pulled out of my comfort zone in so many different ways this summer. from the beginning, at summer camp, where i was the only senior girl, and i didn't feel close to anyone. i learned so much about love that week, about God's love for us, and how we are supposed to take that love to all the earth. that trip was a lot better than i expected, and the Lord brought people into my life that week that mean the world to me.

i was REALLY pulled out of my comfort zone when i went to Panama. the only Spanish i knew was "hola" and "el bano". i had never been on a straight evangelical mission trip like this; i was used to sharing my faith through service, not through a drama. i don't really do the outdoors that much, therefore, me + a jungle for two days was going to be quite a challenge. that trip showed me a lot about myself, about prayer, and about my personal relationship with the Lord. i was changed from the inside out, and i learned that being out of my comfort zone is really not that bad of a thing.

within the past two weeks, i have said goodbye to a youth group that i was involved with for 6 years, to friends that have been in my life since kindergarten, since sixth grade, since high school, and even friends that i only got close to this summer. i have said goodbye to my comfort zone. 

it hit me wednesday night as i drove home from athens. i had gone up for the day to help a friend move in, and i saw two of my other friends that are apart of that comfort zone i just said goodbye to. i had seen their dorms, their homes; it became real to me, they were gone. i cried pretty much the whole way home. i knew that what i was doing was right, and what they were doing was right, but it felt wrong. i didn't want to be separated from my friends; i wanted them to walk with me through this time in my life.

i spent a lot of time praying about the whole situation on thursday. i talked to a friend who knew exactly how i felt, and he gave me some good advice. at one point i told the Lord, "i NEED my friends. why did they have to be taken away from me?" and that's when the Lord said, "you don't NEED your friends. all you NEED is Me."

well, there's no arguing you can really do with that. as i facebook chatted one of my friends last night, we talked about this. i told her that being out of my comfort zone in Augusta is harder than being out of my comfort zone in Panama. she said "yes. while we were in Panama, we were out of our comfort zones, but we were surrounded by our "bubble", by a group of people whom we didn't even realize supported us that much."

i didn't realize how much i relied on these friends. as believers, we aren't called to rely on anyone but the Lord. i'm having to learn to fully rely on the Lord and trust in Him. as basic as it sounds, it is one of the hardest lessons i've ever had to learn.   

stepping into the land of the unknown.

these days, i feel a lot like the 12 spies that went into the land of Canaan to see what it was like. they were stepping into the land of the unknown. 

and today, i've done that. in more ways than one.

the biggest was getting my Mac today. yeah, i'm PRETTY EXCITED! my dad had told me a while back that he would let me get one once i started college, so i'm starting college next week and now i have one :)

tonight, i sat at home and ate dinner with my parents. not that by doing that is legitimately "stepping into the land of the unknown" but by doing that, i'm doing something i haven't done in over two years. as i ate dinner, i thought about it, and i realized that this is what my life is going to be like during the next year, and maybe even the next two years. as much as i love my parents, i feel like i'm taking a step backward instead of forward.

i said goodbye to one of my very best friends in the entire world, Hannah. we've known each other since kindergarten. and as much as Hannah needs me, i need her even more. i don't know what it feels like to go to school without Hannah there. i'm so excited for her, but i'm going to miss her a TON.

i skyped with my Sweet Caroline today for over three hours. yeah, we had LOTS to catch up on even though she's only been gone for 5 days. i've never skyped for that long, and i guess i know that it is something i may be doing later on lots more!

after i got off with Caroline, i skyped with my friend, Corey, for a while. he showed me his dorm, via skype, and it got me thinking..."am i really doing the right thing? what am i going to miss out on?" but, i know that staying in Augusta is what the Lord wants me to do. as hard as it is to grasp or understand.

i'm going to Athens tomorrow to help a friend move in. it'll be my first time in Dawg Country :) another unknown. i'm pretty excited. i'll get to see friends, say my official "goodbyes", and enjoy a day away from Augusta.

i'm nervous and anxious to be stepping into these unknowns. i'm grateful for this time. i'm really ready to see where the Lord takes me next....into a great, big unknown.

goodbyes.

so in the past week, i have had to say goodbye to three sweet friends, and this week, it gets even worse.

last sunday, i said goodbye to my friend Mollie Kate; she's a sophomore at UGA, and she was one of the interns this summer at church. we became super close. i may get to see her this wednesday, but still, i miss her a lot. going from seeing her every day to not at all was hard. it is hard.

last thursday, we all said goodbye to our friend from Panama (which, btw, i'll blog about that later). He was going back to Florida, where his sister lives. even though he was just in town for a week, it's very weird without him here. the Holy Spirit shines through him greatly; he smiles ALL the time and is the most joyful person i know.

the next day, i said goodbye to my "Sweet Caroline" who was going off to her dream school, Auburn. (War Eagle!) Caroline has been a constant companion since the sixth grade. I drove by her house the next day and not seeing her car almost made me bawl. I'm SO happy for her and what the Lord is going to do through her, but I miss her SO much!

this week, i have a few more goodbyes...people I've become better friends with only recently, people I've know since K5, high school friends, etc. sometimes I wonder why the Lord brings people into my life to just then take them away soon after they've entered. i still don't have an answer for that, but i'm so grateful for all of these sweet friends of mine and as i say goodbye, all i can do is "Trust in the Lord with all my heart..." (Proverbs 3:5)

unexpected blessings.

On Father's Day, I had the sweet opportunity to take my BD out to dinner. The best week for me to go to AL was during the weekend of Father's Day. I had talked with my Dad many of times to make sure that this was okay with him, that I would be missing Father's Day and would be with my BD. He was super cool with it. We celebrated Father's Day about a week early. 


Anyway, the two of us met at an Olive Garden in AL. It was the same Olive Garden that he and I had first met at, so I was trying to make the experience a tad less awkward. I got there before he did, went ahead and got a table, and waited. Then I waited some more. I guess I probably waited all of about ten minutes, maybe twelve at the most. I was really worried. I thought he wasn't going to show, that I was going to just sit there for a really long time being that person who gets stood up.


Then, I heard "That's her." It was him, his voice. He was really here. He hugged me as best as he could with me sitting in a booth and then sat down across from me. I could tell he was happy; he had one of those huge smiles on his face. I knew he was glad that I was here. 


We had this really nice dinner. We talked and laughed, ate and talked some more. It went really well.  I gave him his  Father's Day gift, which was this funny card and a visor, something I knew he would like. He read the card and I knew he was happy that I had done that. 


It was a sweet start to an overall sweet week.


A few days later we were with the whole family out at this hands-on museum thing. That day, I got in one of my "Ashton Moods". I tend to do this thing where I will have an attitude about something, about something that isn't going my way. I get this way and everyone knows something's wrong.  I get quiet, I say that everything is "fine", and I make the day miserable for everyone else. I knew I was doing this and I couldn't stop. I texted my best friend, Chelsea, and said basically, "I need a slap in the face. Help me out, best friend!" She called me half an hour later and I vented. I just got everything out. Ultimately, it was hard for me to have to share my BD with other people. I had never seen him with other "kids" and it was hard.


My BD has a girlfriend who has two daughters. I had never met her daughters until this past week. His girlfriend is one of the sweetest and nicest people I have ever met in all my life. Her daughters are both two very sweet girls, as well! She has a daughter a year younger than me whom I adore! She is very dear to me and I know that no matter what, she'll be a friend for life.  The youngest daughter is still just a little girl. She's in the "pre-teen" phase of life. She's super cute and fun. But it was so hard for me to see my BD interact with her. When my BD interacted with the older daughter, it was nothing different than when he interacted with me. If anything, he definitely knew me better than her. But he knew the younger daughter in a better way than he knew either of us. It hurt. 


I felt completely stupid and embarrassed that I was jealous of a 10 year old. They knew each other well; he had a nickname for her; she was always happy and sweet around him. They had this connection. When I talked to Chelsea, she understood. I talked later to the older daughter, and in this cool, weird way, she understood, too. But the thing that got me the most was that the older daughter has a really bad relationship with her dad. Yet she understood that I wanted to have a good relationship with both of my dads. When I realized that, that was the slap in the face I needed. 


I remembered the sweet dinner my BD and I had shared together on Sunday, all of the jokes that we were able to make, the "inside" things that only he and I got. The things that made our relationship different and special. I told him why I acted the way I did the day at the hands-on museum. I told him that I was ultimately jealous of this sweet little 10 year old. He said, "Well, Ashton, she's not my daughter." Then just gave me this look that said "Stop worrying. This is me and you, not me and her."


I never thought that I would have relationships with both of my dads. And I don't think I'll ever act upset when it's not going my way with one of them again. Because I'm blessed to have both of them; some people don't even have one. 

"you know, maybe God has a bigger plan for me than I had for myself."

Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Sometimes, I just stand (or sit) in awe of the Lord and how His plans for my life are so much different than mine, yet so much better.

Two years ago today, my boss and one of my dearest friends got married. I remember that day like it was yesterday. All the weeks and months of planning; all the sweet memories that were made; all the details; all the fun. Just soon after I was in San Diego, ready to embark on my junior year of high school, not knowing what the year would hold, not imagining any of it. 

One year ago today, I don't remember quite as well. But, last summer I do. I went to camp, dreading the year that was to come. I honestly had nothing to look forward to; I was so ready to be done with high school and get out of Augusta. 

Wow. The things that have taken place in my life in just one year truly blow me away.

The start of senior year--senior retreat, old friendships rekindled, new ones made. Just a day after we get back, I e-mail my BD (birth dad). When I look back on those days, those days of my first conversations via e-mail with my BD, I am again in awe of what the Lord did. I never thought I would ever meet him, ever talk to him, let alone develop a relationship with him. 

That's what blows me away the most right now. I just spent a week in Alabama with my BD and his family. If anyone would have told me that I would be doing that a year ago, even four months ago, I would have slapped you silly. But, I did. And the coolest thing is, he's not replacing my dad. He's not trying to make me have a relationship with him that is any better than my relationship with the man who has loved me and poured into me for the past 18 years. He's not even trying to be my "dad". He's just being himself. He says it a lot--this is "different", not bad, just "different". And that's what it truly is--"different". 

I didn't think my heart could grow big enough to let "two" dads be apart of my life. I have an excellent dad, my "Daddy". He does it all for me. He loves me, takes care of me, protects me, shows me what a godly man looks like, and is an example of Christ to me every single day. I couldn't ask for a better "Daddy". But, I get another "Dad". He shows me new things, a whole different life, what could have been. He shows me about me, things that are completely different from my Daddy and Momma, things that they couldn't have given me because we don't share the same DNA. Things that are different. Things that make me who I am today, even though I only met this man less than a year ago. He shows me things that play into my character, into my life, into my very being...things that I had never thought about before until I met him. 

I didn't really know how to balance my adoptive family--my family--and my new , biological family. I didn't know how to maintain two whole different groups of people who love me, but I have, now in a way, one, new, big family. I have my Momma and Daddy. I also have a BD. He's passed down things to me that have made me who I am. So has my Daddy. 


I would have never imagined that the Lord would have placed these people in my life, these sweet people who have the same genes, the same DNA as me. I never could have dreamed in a billion years that I would have a relationship with my own flesh and blood until I had kids. But, the Lord provides exactly what it is we need. Right now, I need a relationship with my Momma, my Daddy, and my BD. 

The Lord has truly turned things good for me because I love Him and because He has called me according to HIS purpose.

the hem of His garment.

"She had heard the reports about Jesus and came up behind him in the crowd and touched his garment. For she said, 'If I touch even his garments, I will be made well.'" - Mark 5:27-28


the other day I was at my boss's house. my "nephew", her son, had just gotten up from his nap and I was SO excited to see him. I always am! But, as my boss was feeding him and such, she set him on the floor to go get something from the kitchen. He was on his knees and she sort of "hopped" over him and started to walk towards the kitchen. the second she was too far away for him to even just touch her foot or her leg or just be near her, he lost it. He started crying and said, "Ma-ma" until she came back and picked him up. She held him in her arms and just like that he was happy and smiling again.


today at church we were talking about some things and this verse in Mark came up. immediately, this scene from the other day at my boss's house was replaying in my brain. and then i thought about it. we, as Sons and Daughters of the King, are like my nephew. in a way, our Father is like my boss. if we just cried out to Him when we can no longer touch the hem of His garment, our Father will come and scoop us up and shower His love on us. that's all He wants to do.


so, have faith like the woman who touched the hem of His garment. 

home for a week. gone for a week. repeat.

so, this past week, i slept and went to work. every day. besides the 12 minutes i spent at the greenjackets game on Monday with Sarah & Mary Beth, and the almost 3 hour long dinner i had with Hannah at poblano's on Friday, that's all i did. it was  glorious. just glorious. i scrapbooked some, facebooked a LOT, went shopping, wrote/journaled some, stocked up on pretty much all the presents i needed to get for people during the whole month of June, etc. i have never just relaxed this much. i had nothing i had to do except go to work and go to the Banjo-B-Que on Saturday afternoon to help the people i babysit for.

i learned a lot this week, even though i didn't do much of anything. as i type this, i'm reminded of what Psalm 46:10 says, "Be still and know that I am God." SO true! i feel like i got deeper with the Lord this week in different ways than I could ever really imagine. but it was good. 

the next 4 weeks of my life are going to be CRAZY. crazy good, though.

i leave tomorrow morning for AMPED! it's our church summer camp! it's gonna be at Camp Cedar Cliff in Asheville which is where our senior retreat was. i'm pretty pumped! it's weird because i'm a senior and it'll be my last youth camp. PLUS, i'm the only senior girl going, which will be weird, but cool at the same time. i still have NO idea what i'm going to say at our "Senior Farewell" Night. maybe that's a good thing. haha. : )

next Sunday we have Panama practice all. day. long. which is good, but so energy draining. i know the Lord is getting me prepared for Panama, but i think since i have SO many other things before then, it hasn't hit me yet that i'm really going to Panama, but it will in due time. we're also performing the drama before the church that Sunday night, which will be cool, but semi nerve wracking!

the next week i'm home, but it won't be as chill as this past week. we have our first high school Bible Study that thursday, a birthday party for 2 of my friends, work/take care of the nephew, etc. i'm pretty pumped about hanging with the Jackster! haha.

after that, i go to the BEACH! sooo ready for that : ) then i come home from the beach, and literally hours later, i'm on my way to alaBAMA! pretty pumped to go there. not looking too forward to the 6 hour drive i get to make, but it's worth it : ) i'm already trying to get prayed up for that trip. my emotions are going to be running high, but i'm so, so ready to see what the Lord has in store for me there! the one thing i'm scared about is golf. i'm going golfing. i really wish that i would have it on video for everyone back home to see, but they can all probably already have mental pictures of what that will look like...haha.

so ready to see what God has in store for me in these next few BUSY weeks, but so thankful for this chill week i had last week!

no longer the majority.

i graduated from high school on Saturday.

on Sunday, we had our "Senior Recognition Service" at church. our pastor preached about taking a risk for the Lord and about no longer being apart of the majority of Christians who sit back and make sure they live a "safe" life. He showed us this video of part of a sermon that Francis Chan preached. Watch it! As he continued preaching, I thought about what had happened in my life the day before. Yeah, I had graduated high school (and I'm not devaluing how important that is) but I had also spent pretty much the whole day with my biological father's family. About 2% of the population in the U.S. are adopted. Of those people that are adopted, only about 4% of them search for, find, and go on to meet their biological parents. So, I'm in a very small group of people who have found at least one of their birth parents. I'm not apart of the majority of adopted children who don't find their birth parents. I'm in the minority.

Every day we have the opportunity to sit back, put on our safety helmets, and be "good" little Christians who never take chances for the Lord. Or, we have the opportunity to not be in the majority, to take a risk, and to be on fire for the Lord.  God didn't promise us that when we follow Him we'll have this easy, carefree life. Why be boring and be the stereotypical Christians when we can be crazy, radical people doing exactly what the Lord wants?

So...do you want to be apart of the majority of Christians who sit back and have nothing to count for when they die? Or do you want to be radical and be apart of the minority of those living their lives out fully for Jesus?