unexpected blessings.

On Father's Day, I had the sweet opportunity to take my BD out to dinner. The best week for me to go to AL was during the weekend of Father's Day. I had talked with my Dad many of times to make sure that this was okay with him, that I would be missing Father's Day and would be with my BD. He was super cool with it. We celebrated Father's Day about a week early. 


Anyway, the two of us met at an Olive Garden in AL. It was the same Olive Garden that he and I had first met at, so I was trying to make the experience a tad less awkward. I got there before he did, went ahead and got a table, and waited. Then I waited some more. I guess I probably waited all of about ten minutes, maybe twelve at the most. I was really worried. I thought he wasn't going to show, that I was going to just sit there for a really long time being that person who gets stood up.


Then, I heard "That's her." It was him, his voice. He was really here. He hugged me as best as he could with me sitting in a booth and then sat down across from me. I could tell he was happy; he had one of those huge smiles on his face. I knew he was glad that I was here. 


We had this really nice dinner. We talked and laughed, ate and talked some more. It went really well.  I gave him his  Father's Day gift, which was this funny card and a visor, something I knew he would like. He read the card and I knew he was happy that I had done that. 


It was a sweet start to an overall sweet week.


A few days later we were with the whole family out at this hands-on museum thing. That day, I got in one of my "Ashton Moods". I tend to do this thing where I will have an attitude about something, about something that isn't going my way. I get this way and everyone knows something's wrong.  I get quiet, I say that everything is "fine", and I make the day miserable for everyone else. I knew I was doing this and I couldn't stop. I texted my best friend, Chelsea, and said basically, "I need a slap in the face. Help me out, best friend!" She called me half an hour later and I vented. I just got everything out. Ultimately, it was hard for me to have to share my BD with other people. I had never seen him with other "kids" and it was hard.


My BD has a girlfriend who has two daughters. I had never met her daughters until this past week. His girlfriend is one of the sweetest and nicest people I have ever met in all my life. Her daughters are both two very sweet girls, as well! She has a daughter a year younger than me whom I adore! She is very dear to me and I know that no matter what, she'll be a friend for life.  The youngest daughter is still just a little girl. She's in the "pre-teen" phase of life. She's super cute and fun. But it was so hard for me to see my BD interact with her. When my BD interacted with the older daughter, it was nothing different than when he interacted with me. If anything, he definitely knew me better than her. But he knew the younger daughter in a better way than he knew either of us. It hurt. 


I felt completely stupid and embarrassed that I was jealous of a 10 year old. They knew each other well; he had a nickname for her; she was always happy and sweet around him. They had this connection. When I talked to Chelsea, she understood. I talked later to the older daughter, and in this cool, weird way, she understood, too. But the thing that got me the most was that the older daughter has a really bad relationship with her dad. Yet she understood that I wanted to have a good relationship with both of my dads. When I realized that, that was the slap in the face I needed. 


I remembered the sweet dinner my BD and I had shared together on Sunday, all of the jokes that we were able to make, the "inside" things that only he and I got. The things that made our relationship different and special. I told him why I acted the way I did the day at the hands-on museum. I told him that I was ultimately jealous of this sweet little 10 year old. He said, "Well, Ashton, she's not my daughter." Then just gave me this look that said "Stop worrying. This is me and you, not me and her."


I never thought that I would have relationships with both of my dads. And I don't think I'll ever act upset when it's not going my way with one of them again. Because I'm blessed to have both of them; some people don't even have one. 

"you know, maybe God has a bigger plan for me than I had for myself."

Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Sometimes, I just stand (or sit) in awe of the Lord and how His plans for my life are so much different than mine, yet so much better.

Two years ago today, my boss and one of my dearest friends got married. I remember that day like it was yesterday. All the weeks and months of planning; all the sweet memories that were made; all the details; all the fun. Just soon after I was in San Diego, ready to embark on my junior year of high school, not knowing what the year would hold, not imagining any of it. 

One year ago today, I don't remember quite as well. But, last summer I do. I went to camp, dreading the year that was to come. I honestly had nothing to look forward to; I was so ready to be done with high school and get out of Augusta. 

Wow. The things that have taken place in my life in just one year truly blow me away.

The start of senior year--senior retreat, old friendships rekindled, new ones made. Just a day after we get back, I e-mail my BD (birth dad). When I look back on those days, those days of my first conversations via e-mail with my BD, I am again in awe of what the Lord did. I never thought I would ever meet him, ever talk to him, let alone develop a relationship with him. 

That's what blows me away the most right now. I just spent a week in Alabama with my BD and his family. If anyone would have told me that I would be doing that a year ago, even four months ago, I would have slapped you silly. But, I did. And the coolest thing is, he's not replacing my dad. He's not trying to make me have a relationship with him that is any better than my relationship with the man who has loved me and poured into me for the past 18 years. He's not even trying to be my "dad". He's just being himself. He says it a lot--this is "different", not bad, just "different". And that's what it truly is--"different". 

I didn't think my heart could grow big enough to let "two" dads be apart of my life. I have an excellent dad, my "Daddy". He does it all for me. He loves me, takes care of me, protects me, shows me what a godly man looks like, and is an example of Christ to me every single day. I couldn't ask for a better "Daddy". But, I get another "Dad". He shows me new things, a whole different life, what could have been. He shows me about me, things that are completely different from my Daddy and Momma, things that they couldn't have given me because we don't share the same DNA. Things that are different. Things that make me who I am today, even though I only met this man less than a year ago. He shows me things that play into my character, into my life, into my very being...things that I had never thought about before until I met him. 

I didn't really know how to balance my adoptive family--my family--and my new , biological family. I didn't know how to maintain two whole different groups of people who love me, but I have, now in a way, one, new, big family. I have my Momma and Daddy. I also have a BD. He's passed down things to me that have made me who I am. So has my Daddy. 


I would have never imagined that the Lord would have placed these people in my life, these sweet people who have the same genes, the same DNA as me. I never could have dreamed in a billion years that I would have a relationship with my own flesh and blood until I had kids. But, the Lord provides exactly what it is we need. Right now, I need a relationship with my Momma, my Daddy, and my BD. 

The Lord has truly turned things good for me because I love Him and because He has called me according to HIS purpose.

the hem of His garment.

"She had heard the reports about Jesus and came up behind him in the crowd and touched his garment. For she said, 'If I touch even his garments, I will be made well.'" - Mark 5:27-28


the other day I was at my boss's house. my "nephew", her son, had just gotten up from his nap and I was SO excited to see him. I always am! But, as my boss was feeding him and such, she set him on the floor to go get something from the kitchen. He was on his knees and she sort of "hopped" over him and started to walk towards the kitchen. the second she was too far away for him to even just touch her foot or her leg or just be near her, he lost it. He started crying and said, "Ma-ma" until she came back and picked him up. She held him in her arms and just like that he was happy and smiling again.


today at church we were talking about some things and this verse in Mark came up. immediately, this scene from the other day at my boss's house was replaying in my brain. and then i thought about it. we, as Sons and Daughters of the King, are like my nephew. in a way, our Father is like my boss. if we just cried out to Him when we can no longer touch the hem of His garment, our Father will come and scoop us up and shower His love on us. that's all He wants to do.


so, have faith like the woman who touched the hem of His garment.