i cried all the way home.

all of my friends know me as the crier.  i'm a girl, so that's part of my excuse.  but also, i'm emotional and moody, and i cry a lot.


i cry all the time. 

and, when i cry, it tends to be at the most inopportune times.  when we were in Panama last summer, i cried throughout one of our drama performances.  it was sort of awkward when we're standing in our small groups praying while our group isn't performing, and i'm over there bawling my eyes out.  i've cried in class more than once.  like throughout the whole class.  i've cried at work way too many times.  my boss, Drew, once said that he's only gone through one box of tissues in his entire life, and more than half of that box was used by me one day when i was crying.  i cried last week in the youth office after i ran Grant's truck into another truck, and i've cried in the youth office at least two times before.


seriously, i cry all the time. 

so, this morning, when i got up (super duper early) to go see the youth off for camp, i was partially expecting tears.  today was the last day i would see some of my friends for over six weeks.  these are friends that i'm with almost everyday, so i've been dreading having to say goodbye.  all of us interns do our jobs, get the kids on the bus, and then it was time for the 3 other interns to get on the bus and me to stay behind.  i said goodbye to our one guy intern and another one of my guy friends pretty easily, but then it was time to say bye to Leah.


just some info on mine and Leah's friendship: she's my best friend (duh), but she's more than just that.  Leah's really like the sister i never had. we're open and honest with each other about everything; she says things that make me laugh on a daily basis, and she listens to me vent about my problems almost every day.  Leah knows me better than anyone else (besides Jesus and my parents), and i really don't know how i'm going to get through six weeks without seeing her (i'm trying to bribe my parents into bringing her with them when they come see me).  

i hug Leah as best as i can (she hates hugs), then go stand with the parents by the busses to wave at them as they drive away.  John and Grant both give me high fives/fist pumps and say, "Have fun! We'll miss you."  right before they drive away, i realize i can't deal with it anymore, and i go inside the student building to clean up.  and that's when the tears starting flowing.  i cried for almost a solid thirty minutes after they left.

once i got home and then got back in the car with my mom (i was still crying), she was trying to figure out what exactly had me crying besides the fact that i would miss my friends.  i think the biggest thing is that i'm sad that i've ALWAYS wanted to be a youth intern (another post for another day), and now i've had the opportunity to do that for a little bit.  yesterday, we were at work from 10-7:30ish working on camp stuff.  almost ten hours.  it was a times stressful and overwhelming, but all of the interns had such a FUN day.  i laughed lots, and after work, a bunch of us, including one intern and Grant, went out to dinner for Leah's birthday.  we just had so much fun together, even after work.  we had started to become a little unit.


a unit i'm not going to be apart of since i'll be at camp. 

when i get back in July, i'll have a month left before school that i'll be able to intern.  Grant's all for this.  but, it's still sad to me knowing that i'll be missing out on six weeks of bonding, relationship building, memories, etc.  again, i know God has me at CCC for a reason this summer, but it's so hard for me to see it.  i don't think i will until i'm at camp or even after camp.

i'm praying for the interns and youth staff and what God's going to do in and through them this week in the lives of students whom i adore.  while doing this, i'm trusting that God has a plan for me at camp.  He knows what He's doing, even when i cry all the way home.